The Results Are In

Well, the results are in and they are not what we were hoping for.

IUI Round 2 was not a success.

I'm not pregnant.

We are sad, disappointed, and a bit frustrated, but all things considering we are doing okay. You'd think that after 23 months of negative results (29 if you count the 6 months we tried before conceiving the twins) we'd be used to it, but it still hurts. Probably now more than ever.

I can't say that I wasn't expecting this, though. Not that I have gone completely cynical or pessimistic on you. (Although, it is getting easier to cope when I hope for the best but expect the worst.) No, I didn't expect to be pregnant because I didn't feel pregnant. I didn't pass the Boob Test.

Yes, the Boob Test.

It is a very scientific method I use to gauge if this could be the month. If my boobs are sore, then I am probably pregnant. If they are not sore, then I'm probably not pregnant. (And poking on them until I make them sore doesn't count!) So even if I seem to have all the other symptoms -cramps, nausea, headaches, a late period - if my boobs aren't sore, then I don't get my hopes up too high. I know you must think I am crazy, but I've done the research. For me, it works. Never in all these months (almost years) of trying have my boobs been sore. And I know they should be, since they hurt like the dickens when I was pregnant with the twins.

So at the end of the day we didn't win the jackpot (a baby) on this round. But that doesn't mean that I walked away empty handed. No I did not. I came away with some very nice consolation prizes:

A Starbucks Java Chip Frappaccino (which I have done without these past two weeks).

Mama's Pizza, Coke, Peanut Butter Cups, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Blue Bell Moo-llennium Crunch Ice Cream - all courtesy of my amazing husband. (Don't worry, I didn't eat it all in one sitting. There is still plenty of comfort food left for the rest of the weekend.)

And tomorrow, I am going out and buying myself a brand new outfit, or outfits. Why limit myself to just one? I have been through a lot.

Right about now I'm sure you must be thinking, "Wow, this girl needs some serious help with the way she chooses to cope with things." (Even if you aren't thinking it, just humor me and pretend that you d0.)

Because in response I want to say, first of all, that I'm doing the best I can.

And secondly, I know that indulging in my guilty pleasures is not the best way to cope with my struggles. (I won't deny, though, that for the moment it makes me feel a little bit better.) I know that comfort food cannot bring lasting peace, and retail therapy cannot bring true contentment. I know it. My waistline knows it. And my pocketbook knows it.

Peace and contentment, along with comfort and hope, can only come from one place, and that is through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

He is the only way.

And this is why all your prayers are so meaningful to us. It is through your intercession on our behalf that we are able to be content even though things don't turn out the way we want them to, that we feel peace even though are hearts are breaking, that we continue to have hope even though we are disappointed time and time again.

The time you spend praying for us truly make a difference in our lives. So thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts.